If you give a toddler a cookie, she’ll want a cup of milk to go with it.
She’ll need a straw to drink her milk.
And if you give her a straw, chances are she’ll blow milk bubbles with it, which will inevitably spill milk on the floor.
When she spills milk on the floor, she’ll first cry, and then want a towel to clean it up. She will want to get the towel herself, of course.
The towel will remind her that yesterday, she asked to go swimming in the kiddie pool, and you told her you could go tomorrow. And now it’s tomorrow.
She’ll want to get undressed and put her swimming suit on by herself.
Once she has her swimming suit on, she’ll run as fast as she can outside, slipping on the floor that’s still wet from a toddler-quality-milk-clean-up.
She’ll bump her knee and cry, claiming she needs a bandaid and a kiss.
When you go to get a bandaid, she’ll insist on choosing it herself.
And putting it on herself.
Once the bandaid is on, she’ll see the new soap in the bathroom and declare she needs to wash her hands that are dirty from falling. To dry her hands, she’ll need a hand towel, which will remind her of the pool.
She’ll head back outside… more slowly this time.
When she gets outside, she’ll see the relatively new tree swing Granddad added and want to swing while the pool is filling.
Of course she’ll want a push.
When the pool is full, she’ll remember that she wants pool toys. Which are inside. When she goes into get the pool toys, she’ll see other toys nearby, and decide she wants to play with those instead of swimming.
Her favorite toy is a baby stroller, which of course needs a baby to go in it. She won’t be able to reach the baby doll in her crib, so she’ll ask you to get it for her. And the other 3 stuffed animals in her crib. And 2 blankets. And 17 books.
When you get the books out, she’ll want you to read them to her.
All of them. On the couch.
After you sit down, she’ll ask if you can the cozy blanket from her room to read with.
While you’re reading the books, you’ll come across a library book which will remind her she wants to go to the library.
You tell her that to go to the library, she need to collect all the old library items to return. She’ll put them in the library bag one by one. Two books will be missing.
You will search all over the house together for the missing books.
While searching for the missing books, she will get distracted by blocks, trains, legos, the doll stroller, and the aforementioned new shoes from Grandma. (You will vow to throw out all the toys.)
She’ll want to wear her new shoes to the library. Which reminds her, she also wants to wear the specific polka dotted sweater, also from Grandma, that is a size too small. She’ll insist it fits and want to put it on by herself. It doesn’t fit or match. She’ll wear it anyway.
Once her new shoes and too-small polka dot sweater are on, you’ll leave for the library.
While you are driving, you will drive by a bank waving a huge American flag. She will ask to sing the “Grand Old Flag” song. When you’re done singing it, she’ll ask for more songs to be played in the car. While the songs are playing, she’ll sing along. One song will mention a window, which reminds her she wants the windows in the car down. It will make her cold, so she’ll want them back up.
When you get to the library, she’ll want to press the handicap auto-door-opening buttons to go inside. She’ll see the water fountain when you walk in, which reminds her that she’s thirsty. After getting a drink, she’ll insist on dropping the books in the slot by herself one at a time. She’ll accidentally put the movie in the book slot, and need to go tell the librarian. While she is informing the librarian, the librarian offers to get her her own library card. Of course she’ll say yes please.
The library card can be used to check out new books, so she’ll want to go look at all the books. While you’re in the kid’s section, the librarian will announce that it’s toddler-time-tuesday, which of course she’ll want to attend. During toddler time, there’s a song about baths, which reminds her she has to go to the bathroom.
You’ll take her to the bathroom, and while she’s going potty, the automatic toilet will flush. This will be very scary and make her cry. She’ll remember the last time she felt scared, which was at the pumpkin patch, passing by a haunted house.
This will remind her that she wants to paint pumpkins, so she’ll ask to go home.
On the way home, you’ll drive by the bank that gives out lollipops. She’ll ask for a lollipop and you’ll say, “not today, but you can have a cookie treat if you have a healthy lunch.”
When you get home, the treat bribe will trump pumpkin painting, and she’ll want lunch right away. You’ll offer pasta with vegetables, and she’ll ask to help make it. She’ll pull a chair over to the sink to fill the pan with water, spilling in the process. Spilling water at the sink will remind her she wants to play in the water at the sink while you make lunch.
While she’s eating lunch, she’ll ask for milk… with a straw.
And if you give a toddler a cup of milk, she’ll want a cookie to go with it.
(Editor’s note: Based on a true story. After the lunch and milk and cookie, it will be naptime. And, you will have made it. For today. Congratulations!)